Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Adult Children

Well, I definately didn't think I would be sharing about my adult children at this age but I was blessed with a wonderful son when I married my husband.  Brandon was 13 when Mike and I got married.  He moved into our home 8 months later and lived there until he moved out on his own at 18.  We had our many glorious experiences with his teenage years!  He went to public High school for 2 years and then was homeschooled during his last 2 years of school.  We had a house fire, he hugged his teacher tooo hard and got suspended, he played football, he talked back too many times, he played with his younger brother and sister, he kept his room clean (most of the time), he got staph infection in his knee, he had a big birthday party where they played Xbox in every room of our house (even the bathroom), he got twisted up like a pretzel when he was doing some kind of stretch, he became a special person in my life!  I genuinely love Brandon as my own son and I did not even realize this until the last year that he has not lived with us. 

While he lived with us, I felt o so responsible for his actions.  I felt that when he was disobedient and did not do as we thought he should it was solely a reflection upon me and Mike.  I was very emotional and angry when I disciplined him.  When he would do some crazy stunt I would get all bent out of shape and go off on him.  I yelled and was mean to him more times than I would like to admit.  Through this journey I have learned to ask for forgiveness from my children.  I am not perfect and I will make mistakes.  But the biggest mistake I could make would be to not admit my wrong and go on being mean to him. Sure he needed discipline but he needed consistant, unemotional discipline.  Now that he has moved out and is an "adult" things are definately different.  I heard a minister state a while back that there are levels in our relationships with our children and as they grow we advance to these different levels whether we want to or not.  I am going to try to recap what he said.  When they are in our home we are in charge.  They have to live by our rules whether they agree or not.  But once they have moved out, it is no longer appropriate for us to tell them what to do.  We are not to give advice unless they ask for it.  You would not go down the street and consistantly tell your sister what to do.  If you did, it would be wrong and the two of you probably wouldn't get along very well.  Same with your children who have moved out from under your care.  They will more than likely  make many mistakes and do many things that  you do not like.  Mine sure has but I have been blessed with this amazing peace of God since he has moved out.  I have had so much compassion for him.  God has allowed me to see Brandon through his eyes.  Sure he has been out there doing plenty of things I would rather not know about but he is still my son and I love him dearly.  It grieves my heart to think of the pain he is bringing on himself but I pray (prayer is all I have) that he will open  his eyes and remember what he knows!  Of course I would love to go and tell him how wrong he is and what he needs to be doing but it is not my place.  Until he asks for my advice I will continue to give him up to God.  I have faith that God has him in the palm of His hand.  God has always had a way of getting through to Brandon.  Remember I told you he was twisted up like a pretzel.  God had to slow Brandon down so he could speak to him.  I am confident that He will do that again if need be! 

I share this to encourage any of you with adult children.  They are still yours but in a different way.  God has blessed you with 18 years more or less to guide them, train them, put into them all that you have and all that God has given you for them.  It is now time to enjoy a blessed relationship with them.  Encourage them, love them, and offer your tips and advice on life when asked!  I have been blessed with such a peace regarding Brandon over this past year.  Sure there are plenty of times that I have wanted to go and shake some sense into him but mostly I have just loved him and found that it was usually better for me to keep my mouth shut!!  He has come to me more than once and asked for advice.  I am more than confident that Brandon knows the truth and the truth will set him free!!

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